"Aren't You Afraid of Dying Alone?"

 

I've been asked this question many times, and my response is always this: "Nope.  People die alone or in the presence of absolute strangers every minute of the day." and then I usually follow-up with a "How do you know with any amount of certainty that you won't die alone?"

I watched my grandfather die - actually die.  I kissed him on the forehead, vowed to take care of my mother and grandmother, kissed him on the forehead, saw his troubled, sweating face release whatever he was struggling against, and I watched and felt his life slip away from his body.  It was as good a death as can be had.  No he wasn't alone.  I was able to comfort him (I think) in his last moments - not from death, but from the unfinished business of life.  I believe he heard me and understood my promise, despite the softball-sized blood-filled aneurism that was, at that very moment, ravaging his brain.  

His life was not his, not his alone.  He was losing his struggle with death, and the fear and frustration I saw melt from his face was not from fear for his own death, but from the obligation he felt as a living man, an obligation he could not lay down himself.  My presence would have given him no comfort, but my promise did.  He needed me to lay his obligation down for him, and take it up - and I did, and I do - often at great sacrifice.  I saw my grandmother to the end of her battle with cancer - she lived in her own home to the age of 97 with my help - I was happy to do it, and I did it with love, and it was appreciated.  I will see my mother to the end of her life, and that promise will be fulfilled.  I will not make another promise to anyone but myself.  No more duties, no more vows. I will not take up another obligation for the dubious comfort of  love.  I see no evidence of this "comfort" outside of fiction and drama.  None.  Mourning is not love.

I am not afraid of dying alone, or under a stranger's gaze.  I think I understand the impulse for that fear, but the reality is that marriage, family, offspring - these are not guarantees.  How many times have I heard nursing home nurses (my mother included) speak of wives  who essentially say "call me when it's over, otherwise don't call me."  How many times have I seen old men die just months after becoming widowers?  The social narrative would quickly proclaim "See, he needed a wife - he didn't know how to take care of himself".  Bullshit.  He buried his function in his wife's casket.

He buried his identity "husband, provider, protector".  No bridge clubs for him, no "red hats" - he'd long since relinquished the "selfish" past times he once used to commune with friends.  His new friends were other husbands, towed along to visit, he made transient friends quickly or struck up awkward conversations with complete strangers on shopping mall benches, once his knees were too unsteady to carry the things she purchased and for which he paid.  The circumstantial visits suddenly became infrequent. and now faced with the prospect of having to adopt a new identity, once again, he suddenly felt dead tired - maybe he'd seek out a widow at his church, someone who would outlive him, someone to serve once more.  Or maybe it was just time to rest.

I've spoken with and known men and women with no one left to mourn them.  They are not pitiful.  Pity is projected upon them against their will, without their permission, by the arrogance of the living.  That IS sad, but it's sadness for the sake of the living, not the dying, or the dead.

It's difficult to watch people fade and die. It's gut wrenching.  It's exhausting.  It sucks.  Why would I want to put someone (especially someone I care about) through that, for a sense of some airy mythical comfort I have never experienced or observed in life?   I believe in the hereafter - I take comfort in that, not in the prospect of being missed.  I truly believe that the sympathy of the dying for the living is greater.  Only the dead and dying know better.

I want to be the man I am now when I die, only better.  

Hey Joe, where you goin' with that thought in your head?

I recently reached out to a young college student, a young man, who seems to be full of anger and angst.  I stumbled upon a video he posted (one of many) which basically featured him wandering about a campus parking lot ranting/thinking out loud.  Some of his thoughts were - very grim, and he identified himself as- or at least mentioned - MGTOW.  His thoughts and speech were disorganized and it reminded a great deal of some of the men and women in crisis that I worked with as a mental health professional.

Honestly, if ever there was a candidate for someone going off the deep end and going on a killing spree - this kid ( I'm calling him "Joe")  fits the bill.  Of course it's impossible to predict such a thing with any degree of certainty.   I've been in the presence of men and women who were in the midst of full blown psychotic episodes - men and women with murder in their eyes and on their tongues - who genuinely scared the shit out of me, but who had still managed to maintain enough control to refrain from acting out with physical violence.  I hope I have "Joe" pegged all wrong.

Our young man, "Joe", is certainly suffering from some kind of "above average" angst, or perhaps a personality disorder, or perhaps both and more.  I'm not saying that because he threatened to kill me for "tattling" on him by posting a link to an online crisis hotline and asking a fellow MGTOW, a particular individual who I think has a very healthy and positive take on men going their own way, to reach out to "Joe" - which he did, promptly and with great charity, wisdom and sensitivity - far beyond my capabilities, which is why I asked him for his help  (thank you again for your sage advice - I hope "Joe" absorbed some of it).

So this experience brought to mind something that has been a concern of mine for quite some time - actually it's more of a worry, and I think it's a justified worry.  MGTOW is NOT for everyone.  It has been said before, but I'd like to take a stab at it for myself, and perhaps with a more direct and honest approach to this often said, but rarely explained saying.

The fact of the matter is this:  MGTOW has a very great potential to appeal to unhealthy minds.  There I've said it and it needs to be said - in fact it's irresponsible to not to face this fact.  Now, of course, this is all the evidence and spin required to completely demonize MGTOW in a society that drifts further and further from the capacity for critical thought with every reactionary law, pop song, or celebrity tweet.  At the risk of sounding like a beatles album burning fuddy duddy of yore - we have a generation coming up, very soon, that includes a population of people who (and how do I put this lightly) have about as much regard for their fellow human as Ted Bundy.  I would call it thug culture, but really it more closely resembles a frighteningly prophetic, but more psychopathic, version of  the film "Idiocracy" (think Idiocracy with more than a healthy pinch of "A Clockwork Orange".

Some of these unhealthy minds are already taking up the banner of MGTOW, as my friend "Joe" has - dabbling, co-opting those aspects that fit into his very grim world view - disregarding the rest.  That's human nature.  There are a lot of justifiably angry men, who feel alienated in this society - for any of a number of reasons - some of which have absolutely nothing to do with feminism's systematic misandry.  They are disillusioned with their government, their political affiliation, their future, their very identity.  There is an epidemic of lost men and boys in this world.  Some of them call themselves MGTOW, but they are stuck in the anger/disappointment and/or disillusionment stage. Who could blame them when there's so much to be justifiably angry, disappointed and disillusioned about?

Chronic anger and alienation is poison.  It can't be sustained without harming you, and eventually, and inevitably, it will KILL you.  Anger has it's place, so does alienation - they are powerful motivators, but the "doing" part of the motivation will either lead one to do positive things, to make positive changes - or it will lead to negative ones.  The alienation part is simply an inevitable part of regaining consciousness and is required to gain perspective and quiet the mind.  Men also need "A Room of One's Own", and it's high time men build one, complete with a "do not disturb" sign, lock and sound proofing.  Men must avail themselves of it, when they need the space, peace and quiet to actually reflect and make sense of the world and conditions they find themselves in.  A space without talking heads, without competitive agendas - both of which seek to ensare his mind and hijack his perception.  This is not a retreat, a cave to shut oneself away and wait for "this to all blow over";  It is an oracle to commune with one's own mind and purpose, and it IS TO BE GUARDED JEALOUSLY, AND REGARDED SACRED.  It is a place of badly needed replenishment and healing.

 A MGTOW must choose the positive, to heal and replenish, and to evolve or his original impulse to go his own way, is in vain and pointless. He must make the space to do it.  MGTOW creates that space.

Our friend "Joe" is on a path to institutionalism right now.  He sees no hope, refuses to hear "hope" because it doesn't sound like what he imagined, therefore he feels no hope.  MGTOW means solipsism,  "cool" and spiteful alienation to him.  He's not going his own way, he's going the way of millions of incarcerated/institutionalized men in this society.  He's frustrated because his life doesn't measure up to the lies he's been spoon fed since birth - he's at that stage, and he may never transcend to see the possibility of a good life, a happy life, as defined and realized by him, not someone else.  A life fulfilled by self realization and development above and beyond the measuring stick shoved into his face (into all of our faces).   He's been quantifying himself with this stick, since birth.  He's come up short, again and again - obsessed, yet semi-conscious of the futility of it.  Not yet fully conscious of moving on and devising a more accurate and useful system of measurement - his own and not limited by its precurser, or its contemporaries.

I predict in the not-so distant future, that someone like "Joe" will exact his revenge on society with murder, and under the banner of MGTOW. All that is required is one sentence, one comment, one video "liked" and MGTOW becomes a dangerous cult. You know what the propaganda machine will do with that (we've already seen the insinuation with the "gym MRA killer".

MGTOW, on that day, will become a "dangerous" fringe group.  We'll be the new domestic terrorist of the month, but here's the kicker.  It won't matter.  The name will will be hissed with even greater venom and it will fall into disfavor and disuse among us, but men will still be going their own way and therein lies the true power of this idea.  MGTOW is not death, it's not revenge, it's not about alienation or extinction..  It's life and evolution.  And like evolution, MGTOW is inevitable.

We are men - evolving.

"No one cares about MGTOWs.  Or any other men. Men are expendable. Please stop engaging in this girl-like fantasy that you will be missed. You are not going to cause the collapse of civilization. Noone is terrified of you.

The ultimate MGTOWs are the monks and hermits of yore. The MGTOWs who love to talk about MGTOWing remind me of women who attempt suicide for attention. Just do it, and stop blabbing about it."

A response I received for suggesting recently that Men Going Their Own Way, should identifiy themselves as such (when it suits them of course), just to remind people - men in particular - that there is an option for them.  I genuinely understand the angst of the person who wrote this.  I understand the impulsive disgust that men and women experience when a man shirks his utilitarian function, and worse, dares to draw attention to it.  It draws the eye to the embarrassing inner life, the "feelz", of a man - we'll have none of that "man feelz" garbage it reminds us of "women, who attempt suicide for attention.  Just do it, and stop blabbing about it."  


Ah, but here's the difference:  MGTOW is (or should be) about LIFE - a life lived well - not DEATH or depriving the world of oneself, or oneself the world.  It's about living and engaging the world as one sees fit, not as others (like my friend here) would have it.  My friend is correct, "(MGTOWs) won't be missed, but our numbers will ebb and flow in direct response to the conditions men find themselves in this world.. It's only natural.  We are not a protest.  MGTOWs can't change the world, but we can (and do) make our place in the world enjoyable and fulfilling on our own terms.  We are men - evolving.  We are new men, and evolution has no need for nostalgia.

MGTOW AS PROTEST?

The MGTOW lifestyle is a rejection of traditionalism, so I suppose it's a reaction to traditionalism.  Feminism has set about the task (for several decades - or perhaps since its inception) of demonizing men, masculinity, and anyone, regardless of gender, who doesn't accept even its most extreme and dubious assertions, claims and activities. 

So, we find ourselves in a society that at once demonizes men and masculinity while simultaneously manipulating and indoctrinating men into the very roles that feminists simultaneously damn and demand men to fulfill (i.e. protect me from/with your predatory/aggressive nature, but do so in a way that I deem to be unthreatening, but don't be a pussy about it - man up, provide for me when I demand it - either directly, via taxes or family court, but keep your manfeelz to yourself, and never, ever, question the notion that you are the oppressor; I am the oppressed).

Is it any small wonder that men  (when faced with a society that regards masculinity as fundamentally tyrannical, destructive, predatory, "rapey", violent, and evil - that is patriarchy) might reject this notion?  Is it any small wonder that some men (when faced with a society that views men and masculinity as bad for society) might resist the kind of roles that tradition would dictate, roles that are far from enviable (military cannon fodder, provider, sacrificial laborer, debt slave, husband, cuckold, media buffoon, lecherous, sex -obsessed, pervert/creep/rapist by default, sloth, oppressor, absentee father).  

Reader, I challenge you to watch 8 hours of TV and note all the hilarious and negative depictions of men on TV (or any other mass media outlet) and not come back with the same impression.

So the question a MGTOW invariably asks himself is, "WHY the fuck would I WANT to BE THAT GUY?"  Followed shortly thereafter, or perhaps before, "I'm NOT, nor have I ever been THAT GUY."  And so the spark of alienation leaps up from the smoldering congnitive dissonance he's been trying to ignore his entire life that has whispered into his ear, relentlessly, since his boyhood "This is unfair.  This is bullshit." and a flame suddenly appears, the MGTOW epiphany alights, and he whispers to himself "I don't have to go along with this.  I'm not going along with this anymore - I'm opting out."

Protest?  I don't think so - at least not any more of a protest than a dancing carnival bear who shies away from the daily lashings of his abusive and neglectful owner/trainer, the thunderous jeers and laughter under a circus tent, then one day escapes his captivity completely, into the wild, and quickly learns the true joy, freedom and power of being a bear, wild and free, once more.

Abstinence: It's effortless with cognizance.

賢者タイ kenjataimu - This is the Japanese term for that moment of clarity after orgasm, when a man can think clearly. The fact, alone, that there is no equivalent term in English for such a phenomena is telling - especially when you recognize the fact that 99.9 percent of men (and women, I suspect - regardless of race, religion, socio-economic status, cultural background, sexual preference or identity) would immediately recognize the phenomena.

The desire to have sexual "release" is innate. So is the desire to breath, eat, drink, shit, maintain a safe body temperature and, above all, avoid being killed and eaten. The unique thing about this "hunger" list is that only one of these relentless biologically based desires is actually not required for the survival of the individual (note, I said individual, not species). You can live an entire life span and not die from a lack of sex - and people (lots of people) have actually done it (deliberately) and people (lots of people) will actually continue to do it (deliberately) in the future. Their reasons are various (often religious, spiritual or for reasons of cognizance - like attaining enlightenment) - sometimes admired and/or denounced for as many varied reasons. The point is that it has happened,is happening and will continue to happen.Clarity (or purity) of thought (i.e. thought without distraction) is the common denominator with regard to the purpose and motivation for deliberate abstinence. A Catholic priest is practicing deliberate abstinence, just as a Buddhist priest might take a vow of abstinence. It doesn't matter if it's a mandate or requirement of god, religion, or station. kenjataimu is something like (or perhaps it is exactly like) this stated goal.

So what good is it? The short answer: it greatly decreases your chances of doing something really stupid and harmful to yourself - something with perhaps lifelong consequences. If you understand and recognize the inherent and particular danger a heterosexual man puts himself in when he has sex with a woman, then it's easy to understand and recognize the advantages of attaining and retaining the ability to think cleary at all times, and especially when interaction with women is unavoidable. In other words, you increase your chances of successfully crossing a busy street - astronomically - if you can see clearly.

How do you achieve and sustain this mental clarity indefinitely? You can't, and you won't, but you can make it your "default" state of mind, and maintain it 99.9 percent of the time. The first requirement is that you must, genuinely, arrive at a place where the actual risks outweigh the perceived benefit. In order to do that, you must be able to evoke a rational, realistic and unemotional evaluation of sex. This is an alien concept to most people, and it's not accidental. We - all of us - have been conditioned from birth (and this is not an exaggeration) to attribute a kind of manic and fanatical importance to sex - far more than is realistic or rational. Great fear, mystery, shame, power, pride, even our sense of identities have been linked to it. In the west, sex is a big fucking deal and it has been almost since the birth of western civilization. You can blame religion for that, but men and women, some of whom know better, have been creating, reinforcing and using the hysteria and power around sex for any number of reasons, and always to their own advantage.

The fact is, there is nothing magical about sex, there's nothing scarce or rare about it. Every second of the day, people are fucking each other in not-so-spectacular ways, like dogs or monkeys, for a brief moment of pleasure and release from their otherwise dismal existence. The vast majority of them are not having transcendant experiences. Some of them are doing it for money, or influence, or just to feel "desired". Some of them are just doing it because they're fucking stupid, bored, horny and lack the motivation to think of anything more worthwhile to occupy their time with. More still are doing it, or going to absurd lengths to do it, simply because they've been conditioned to believe that it's a huge fucking deal.

Yes, sex feels good, very good - it's a function of biology. If it didn't feel good, we wouldn't bother with it (Don't believe me? Go grab a stick and jab it into a hole in the ground for an hour - tell me how much fun you had). But the biology of sex isn't as simple as that. For men, the actual pleasure of sex diminishes with time and satiety - YES, satiety is possible. For young men satiation is very temporary, because novelty is still at play. For young women, orgasm is frequently elusive - there is a biological/evolutionary basis for this as well, I believe. In both cases, nature manipulates the young into fucking as often and as much as possible - nature wants babies, because up until very recently, the odds against babies growing old enough to make more babies were not all that great. The problem is that we've solved that problem sooner than our biology has evolved to adjust and act accordingly, and so the human population has exploded and in just a few centuries found itself at the very beginning of understanding the truly finite nature of the planet we live upon, and slowly we're coming to the realization that a population to planet "balance" is going to be achieved whether we like it or evolve or not.

Men, by design, will naturally lose a great deal of their interest in sex in their waning years. It's not just low "T", it's "this shit is getting boring as hell and I'd rather be taking a nap, because I am exhausted working mysefl to death". Women, biologically, don't reach their sexual peak until just before their reproductive stock plummets. It takes some women 10 or 20 years of repeated and frustrating sexual misadventures with sperm trigger happy young men to figure themselves out (in part because a friend or their mother taught them to fear and/or regard their lady bits as sacred, forbidden flowers - not to be tampered with by anyone, especially oneself). Inverse Sexual Peaks! Yes, nature played a little trick on all of us, and we're still falling for it. For women: try and try often in your youthful, reproductive years to get pregnant as soon and as often and by as many and/or by the best resourced men as possible, while you're chasing after that orgasm carrot. Men: If you're lucky enough to get access, you will do it quick and copiously, because you're going to be too tired and busy eeking out a living for all your progeny very soon.

And still, we champion the Alpha cocks and instill the virtue of false scarcity of our precious/sacred vaginas - and their resulting fuck trophies, as if - at any moment - the whole tribe could be eaten by a sabre-toothed tiger. We perpetuate the grand tribal pecking order as if it's still necessary for our continued existence in this hostile (sterilized, mechanized utopia) wilderness, as if there is universally applicable and correct with regard to any and all future human circumstances. We have minds and free will. Why then do we cling like grim death to magical and all powerful "SEX" when it is the only biological drive that is extraneous. Why? It should be very clear by now that "SEX", with all it's false scarcity and value, is the one thing that leads Men to literally work themselves to a premature death, that enslaves them with debt, that shackles them with baseless shame (afterall male sexual desire is "dirty" and "predatory" by default according to feminists). FUCK THAT SHIT! It's bullshit, a fabrication, a manipulation and all a MAN needs to avoid all the shackles that "SEX" in society has to offer him, is the will and self regard enough to say, "Nope. I ain't falling for that bullshit".

"No" I will not subject myself to a fatherhood in which I have ever decreasing societal respect or rights. "No" I will not subject myself to a "state sanctioned" marriage in which I can be divorced for no reason and have my children taken from me, or used as bargaining chips as my wages are garnished, and perhaps find myself subject to imprisonment if I can't earn enough to meet the demands of a family court system that openly discriminates against me for having a penis, while privateers create false employment scarcity in an undeniable attempt to completely and irreversibly privatize "government".

"No" I will not risk conceiving a child in a society that simultaneously denies me reproductive "choice" while simultaneously lumping the lion's share of financial responsibility on me for a child I may have never agreed to, or was deceived or manipulated into, or did NOT in fact conceive.  Yes, there are men being forced to pay child support for children they did not conceive or even adopt.

YOU HAVE A CHOICE. SAY NO. LIVE YOUR LIFE AND ENJOY IT, FREELY.

MGTOW and SEX

Sex is a risk.  It's that simple.  Like anything you do in life, it's prudent to weigh the risk. 

I'm going to gear this entry toward the heterosexual and bi/poly sexual MGTOW because if you are a male, sleeping exclusively with men, you really only fall into one of the categories of risk I'm going to be talking about, and that would be std's.  Yes, I suppose false rape allegations and actual rape, should also be a concern, but the imbalance of risk with regard to gender bias and politics are not really a factor.  In other words there is no danger of being discriminated against based solely on the fact that you have a penis - your sexual preference is a whole other can of discrimination.


So how does a MGTOW deal with sex and sexual desire, you ask?  However he sees fit with the moral caveat that his sexual activities do no harm to himself, or to anyone else - with one important exception and that is "Ghosting", or "fuck and flee" or however you want to refer to it.  A MGTOW, by definition, is never under any obligation to engage in any kind of interaction with anyone beyond what the MGTOW sees fit, and that includes after sex.  My recommendation is that if/when you do interact with women sexually, you be completely upfront about the transient nature of this interaction from the very beginning.  No need to be ashamed or fearful of your intentions - you're a MGTOW, you own and control your own fate.

Yes, this will thin the herd enormously - if that is a salient concern, then MGTOW is probably not for you. Some of the herd that remains will pretend to be cool with that and still be offended when you vanish before their very eyes.  But if you've been upfront about your intentions, clear about your purpose, then you have every right to simply not give a fuck if some one's feelings get hurt.

And let's be clear about "hurt feelings", and what that means in most cases when your disappearing act is perceived as a "rejection".  I'm convinced that the feelings associated with the "rejection" are not universally experienced or understood.  For some "rejection" means genuine disappointment or even a sense of loss, for others it is more like an insult, for others it is a blow to the ego, and yet others a combination of some or all of these. Society at large (and feminism only reinforces and encourages this) has determined that it is unacceptable for men to experience the emotions evoked from "rejection" - it is "unmasculine" to feel and certainly react, or emote, openly as a result of those feelings - in fact, feminists believe that it is dangerous for men to have these emotions.  It's exclusively a man's job to be rejected and it's a man's job to not be affected by rejection.  MGTOW rejects (or should reject) that notion.  Rejection is for everyone and in equal measure. In light of this a MGTOW should refuse to take any special consideration based on gender.

So yes, a MGTOW can still sleep with a woman who doesn't identify as a prostitute and maintain his autonomy and be true to his lifestyle, but the risk is inherent and cannot be denied - in either case, really. 

The risks inherent with having sex - before, during and after:
STD's, Pregnancy, False rape allegation, Defamation/and or Black mail, being Stalked, harassed, vandalized, or even physically assaulted either directly or by proxy.

So what to do if the risks are too much to bear?
Don't. 
Believe it or not, it is possible for the rational mind to trump the libido. Technology and the ever increasing number of ever improving "alternatives" to sex, in the flesh, will only make it easier for reason to prevail in the future.

I'll discuss the strategy of abstinence in the next entry.  Until then, I leave you with this:



Jingle Jangle Jingle
~Kay Kyser

Yippie yay
There'll be no wedding bells for today

I got spurs that jingle, jangle, jingle
(Jingle, jangle)
As I go ridin' merrily along
(Jingle, jangle)
And they sing, "Oh, ain't you glad you're single"
(Jingle, jangle)
And that song ain't so very far from wrong
(Jingle, jangle)

Oh, Lillie Belle
(Lillie Belle)
Oh, Lillie Belle
(Lillie Belle)
Though I may have done some foolin'
This is why I never fell

Maintaining Autonomy & Friendships

Maintaining Autonomy & Friendships

Friendships can be messy, but for most people, they are a necessity.  Not to be mercenary, but the fact is that at some point you will need, or wish you had, some one's help.  Even Batman has Alfred.  But beyond the practical purpose of friendship, for some (not all) a solitary life, devoid of human companionship, is simply intolerable - mentally and emotionally.  It's not that it hasn't been - It has and does, but just like MGTOW, it's not for everyone.  So celebrate and nurture your friendships if you want or feel the need, but also understand that it's entirely possible to do so and maintain your autonomy.

Now what do I mean by maintaining autonomy?  Any kind of relationship comes with entanglements - even obligations, that do have the potential on many levels to undermine the very thing a MGTOW holds most sacred - autonomy.  You've liberated yourself from and immunized yourself against the predatory nature of "romantic" love, but how do you ensure that this same dynamic doesn't rear its ugly head in platonic relationships? It most certainly can.

I dare to say that all non-socio/psychopaths have experienced the "fair weather friend" phenomena, and/or the "over bearing" friend phenomena.   My answer is to answer in kind.  Force all of your relationships to stand up to the mutually beneficial litmus test, and act according to your findings and observations.  Put in as much as you can ascertain that you receive - no more, no less -that goes for emotional, mental, or physical support.   You can mix and match, and the perceived benefit is completely in the eye of the beholder, of course.  Just make sure that you're not being exploited yet (or ever) again.  If you genuinely enjoy a comrades company, and that is reciprocated - that is certainly enough.

But now for the "keeping at arm's length" part.  Close, intimate friendships are one of life's greatest gifts, but anyone who tells you that you cannot achieve such friendships without becoming emotionally dependent upon any one of them, and thus committing the emotional mistake of "attachment", is trying to sell you something - unwittingly or not.

My purpose here is not to dictate morality, so here is my recommended approach.:  Be brutally honesty about the nature of your friendships, and establish boundaries early on - even if that means risking a potential friendship.  From the start never agree to any favor or participation that doesn't genuinely interest you.  Don't agree to going out, if you'd rather stay in.  And if you do want to go out, don't stay out any longer than you desire.  Don't even make excuses/apologies - just go.  The sooner you demonstrate your autonomy, the better.  You don't even need to breach the whole "I'm a MGTOW" thing - demonstrate it, consistently, and no explanation is required.  Your friends will either accept that or not.  In my experience, if you are consistent and straight forward about it, your friends will accept your boundaries, even if it troubles them.  Remember, you are autonomous and that fact alone means that no one, NO ONE, has any legitimate reason to be offended.  Act like a friend - friends help each other out when the need is real, but DO NOT allow yourself to be manipulated by your friends' projection of false need.  That is exactly the same kind of manipulative tactic that women have used on you again and again - NO ONE is above attempting this kind of guile.  There's no need to get angry at your friends for trying it - just don't bite, not even once.

Yes, you'll be considered stubborn, perhaps a bit aloof, but if your friends are worthy of you - they'll respect and admire your stubbornness, even if they don't like it and especially if you are a true friend.  Remember, they can take you or leave you - that is the secret of "arm's length".  Being MGTOW means that you no longer accept being taken for granted by anyone.

Having said that, being a friend means that you recognize real need when it presents itself and you act accordingly - even if it's unsolicited.  If you care for your friends and friendships, you will offer your assistance when and where it is needed.  That means if you watch your friend's back.  You don't let him/her drive home pissed out of his/her mind.  You at least offer to drive or arrange for a Taxi.  You don't let your friend go hungry if he/she's in dire straights, or rot and melt into some couch for two weeks because you were too busy to answer the phone when he/she asked you for a lift to the ER.  Choose your friends wisely.  Stay away from thugs, predators and degenerates, naturally.  If you sense an inequity, if you detect that familiar "that's kind of shitty" voice in your head, go ghost.  Disappear without hesitation.  It's so incredibly easy to move along, once you know how to strategically arrange and simplify your life and mind set as a MGTOW.

Dealing with female friends and avoiding the MGTOW subject entirely.  It's rare that you'll find a female friend who could accept, much less understand your lifestyle.  Understanding isn't required.  Mutual respect is required.  The easiest way to handle this is to not handle it at all.  Let her fill in the blanks.  If she genuinely likes you as a person, she'll go with the most benign interpretation of your apparent unattached status and feel all the more clever for "having figured you out".  Let it be.  If that means she thinks you're a closeted homosexual, asexual, have a micro penis, supernaturally introverted (my favorite) or a Shaolin monk - so be it.  You can reinforce that belief if it serves your purpose, and your purpose is to not discuss your personal life.  Doing so will only create problems, so let and keep sleeping dogs - well - asleep.  Almost invariably the subject of your bachelorhood will be addressed.  As I said, reinforce her initial version of you, and if that doesn't work simply say "You are creeping me out" or "You are making me feel really uncomfortable" and physically remove yourself from the conversation.  That almost ALWAYS works, especially if you manage to make her feel embarrassed for having offended you.  After all, it really is none of her business, no matter how good of a friend she believes herself to be.

So you don't have to be a hermit, if it doesn't suit you - it just takes a little extra effort, planning, forethought and discernment.  I would guess that the vast majority of MGTOWs enjoy particularly rich and fulfilling friendships for precisely the same reason they enjoy particularly rich and fulfilling solitary pursuits.