Mastering the Art of Indifference.

"Passion is a wonderful if your organization and your colleagues care about you.  BUT it is recipe for self-destruction if you are trapped in a job with a demeaning boss, or worse yet, knee-deep in an workplace where asshole poisoning runs rampant"
~ Bob Sutton, organizational psychologist, Stanford professor, and author of  The No Asshole Rule and Good Boss, Bad Boss (September, 2010)
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When I cannot successfully avoid interacting with a woman, I call upon the art of indifference to see me through that interaction safely and easily.  I find that my increasing capacity for indifference towards women has a converse effect on the amount of energy I spend on avoidance.  Where once I would consciously seek out check-out lane at a grocerty store (for example) sans female clerk.  Now, I just see clerk.

  Occassionally, something done or said will jerk me out of this blissful gender blindness, but I still have indifference to rely on.  Female clerks will occassionally find it appropriate and necessary to express their personal feelings about the products I happen to be purchasing.  Sometimes to simply be rude, sometimes to be rude/flirtation, and sometimes it's clear that it's training video small talk - in other words, the clerk has been instructed by his/her employer to engage in small talk.  I regard any of these with the same indifference.  These are the only "provocative" interactions (meaning anything beyond what is required to complete the transaction) that I have, personally, experienced in my life, but having practiced and then I encounter a novel interaction, my response will be the same. 

For whatever reason (and I'm disinterested in the reason) there is sometimes a desire to elicit some kind of reaction or response, I presume, but maybe not - it matters not.  I simply don't react or respond. I don't understand the motivation beyond this "above and beyond" behavior, and I'm genuinely disinterested in understanding it.  Why?  Because there is nothing of value to be gained from encouraging or perpetuating the "above and beyond" interaction.  My purpose is to buy groceries as quickly and as efficiently as possible, so that I can go on with my life.  Anything that impedes, complicates or slows that activity is frankly annoying.  So, I understand (I think), the annoyance an attractive person might experience as a result of being hit on, on a daily basis, while trying to work out at a gym.  But the answer to this problem is still indifference.  Any kind of positive or negative reaction beyond genuine indifference will only serve to provide the provocateur with his/her "reaction".

By now you're probably thinking, "Dude, you're just buying groceries.  What's the big fucking deal?"  And your right, it's no big deal, but I use the scenario for illustrative purposes - because Indifference must be practiced in order to be effective.  If I can deal with a check-out clerk who is rude, nosey, or flirtatious, I can use the same tools to deal with a predatory, manipulative, deceitful woman in other venues, where the stakes are higher - like in the work place.  

So this brings me to the introductory quote I included.  The author is concerned with strategies of enduring and surviving toxic work place environments.  But the "organization" can easily be expanded to include "society at large".  So, If a man finds himself in a society that cares about him, I image "passion" could be "wonderful".  I don't know for sure, I've never lived a society like that, but I can clearly see how "passion" is a "recipe for self-destruction" in a society that views men as mere utilities and that views masculinity and Maleness as harmful to that society - in other words "Toxic" for men.  The solution, according to this Stanford Professor, is emotional detachment and indifference - and I agree. The parallels between working in a toxic work environment and living in a toxic society, are undeniable, and I plan to explore those parallels and strategies further.

When I see or encounter a woman I don't know, no emotion is evoked - only indifference. There is no protective impulse, no gentleness, no sense of kinship. I see woman as a separate species - not greater or less than myself, just alien. I can detect her impulses, motivations and her desires, but I do not share them.  They are completely alien to me - even those women I care about.  I know them, I understand them, sometimes I'm even amused by their company, but there can be no meaningful connection, because women aren't wired for that - not with men. 

For women, everything is a transaction.  There is no loyalty for the sake of loyalty, no honor, no trust.  There is no refuge to be found in a woman.  I detect more empathy, more kinship, more simpatico from a dog - and that's okay. The problem arises when a man expects otherwise, or tricks himself into believing otherwise.