Fiddle away, but don't covet the ruins.

The Zeitgeist of this decade is collapse.  Americans revel in the thought.  The zombie apocalypse is porn for the collective id.  Hope and optimism is passe' in the west, and you know it.  I have my own theories about why this is (and it has nothing to do with the "gender war", race or political affiliation - imagine that), but this goes far beyond the scope of my purposes here, so I'll leave it at that.

People are preparing for something earth shattering to happen, for whatever reason, in various ways, and no small amount of these people are men.  It might just be apocalypse porn, but if enough people buy into the fantasy, it has a very real potential to become self-fulfilled.

I see and hear a lot of MGTOWs gleefully looking forward to a "fempocalypse" when they can smugly proclaim "I told you so".  Let's face it, it's a revenge fantasy.  I understand it - I've indulged in it myself.  I'm here to warn you against wasting your life by making that self-indulgent fantasy your one and only comfort and occupation.  You're not going to wake up one day to find yourself the vindicated MGTOW Mad Max. Your choice to go your own way can only be made tragic if you waste your entire life waiting for that day.  That day may very well come, but I promise you it won't look like you've imagined it, and if you're reading these words in 2014, you're certainly going to be too old or dead to take any satisfaction from it. 

If revenge is what moves you - get to the business of living well and being happy and content as soon as possible - there is no better revenge - there never will be.  If you've got some work to do to get there, get to work and take no small amount of satisfaction in knowing that your efforts are for your own purposes and benefit.  If "you" and "your own happiness" isn't enough motivation to get the job done, then you're not ready to go your own way - and like it or not, you've still got at least one foot in the blue pill world. 

It's a process, and you may very well lapse from time to time, but once you've peered beyond the blue pill veil and seen the world as it really is, there really is no going back.  What you do with the truth is up to you, but there's no denying it. There's also no changing "it".  You have no power to inflict epiphanies on the blue pill world.  You came to the red pill because the blue pill couldn't answer your question.  In fact, you couldn't even articulate your question in the blue pill universe - it doesn't provide for the alphabet, much less the lexicon.  You sensed or experienced something that was amiss and you sought and found answers (or validated those nagging suspicions) elsewhere - and that is how knowledge and truth are attained. That is the process of evolution, of growth.

Once you achieve an autonomous mind, an undistracted/undivided mind, the gravity of the blue pill universe cannot effect your trajectory.  Blue pill shame, judgement, criticism - these control mechanisms are moot.  So then what?

Are you kidding me?  You do whatever it is that excites and inspires you - and you take it as far as you want.  Figure it out, or remember, what that is - only you can know.  This world is a gift, full of infinite pursuits and opportunities for personal discovery and creativity. Go do something, go learn something, go master something.  Stop wasting your precious time on anger, on indulgent fantasies of vengeance. Stop measuring yourself with a broken and grossly insufficient ruler. Prepare yourself.  Master yourself.  Above all, enjoy yourself. and your autonomy, in this world.

You're not going to inherit the earth in the future.  You're not going to witness justice or equilibrium.  Your time is right now. You are your own justice, your own equilibrium.  Happiness and contentment are in your hands.  You have to get up off your ass to go your own way.  There is no compromise - do it now.

The Vice of State Sanctioned Marriage.

"It won't happen to me.  I'm not a jerk.  If I love her and treat her well, remain faithful, there's nothing to worry about.  She loves me.  She wouldn't lie to hurt me. She wouldn't deny our children their father.  She'd never lie to a judge.  She'd never use our children as bargaining chips.  She'd never bleed me completely dry or send an innocent man to prison.  She'd never use false allegations to extort money from me."

To any young man who reads this, I urge you to google the name Chris Mackney - or look for anyone else with a similar story.  HE won't be hard to find. I guarantee someone just like him lives within a mile radius of your living room.  Mackney killed himself, but before he did so, he left you a message, a message that his ex-wife and a  family court don't want you to read. Do it now before his final words - a cautionary tale, written with gut wrenching anguish and left for your benefit - are stricken from the face of the earth.  A man's final desperate words, any man's final words, are no longer his own, if he has made the mistake of entering into a state sanctioned marriage.  You have a right to your words.  Don't sign that away for anything.

You don't have to do this.  You don't have to risk falling into this pit.  No, it might  not happen to you, but could very well happen to you and there's nothing you can do to protect yourself from it once you've entered into that contract.  Why would you do it?  Why would you enter into a contract in which you have NO RIGHTS, a contract that is overseen by a system of law that has no interest in justice, or the greater good, but only money, and lots upon lots of it and it's all legal-like fella.  Don't be a fucking TOOL.  You don't need to add to this tragedy.  The keys to your own autonomy are in your hands, and all you have to do is say "no".

 

"Aren't You Afraid of Dying Alone?"

 

I've been asked this question many times, and my response is always this: "Nope.  People die alone or in the presence of absolute strangers every minute of the day." and then I usually follow-up with a "How do you know with any amount of certainty that you won't die alone?"

I watched my grandfather die - actually die.  I kissed him on the forehead, vowed to take care of my mother and grandmother, kissed him on the forehead, saw his troubled, sweating face release whatever he was struggling against, and I watched and felt his life slip away from his body.  It was as good a death as can be had.  No he wasn't alone.  I was able to comfort him (I think) in his last moments - not from death, but from the unfinished business of life.  I believe he heard me and understood my promise, despite the softball-sized blood-filled aneurism that was, at that very moment, ravaging his brain.  

His life was not his, not his alone.  He was losing his struggle with death, and the fear and frustration I saw melt from his face was not from fear for his own death, but from the obligation he felt as a living man, an obligation he could not lay down himself.  My presence would have given him no comfort, but my promise did.  He needed me to lay his obligation down for him, and take it up - and I did, and I do - often at great sacrifice.  I saw my grandmother to the end of her battle with cancer - she lived in her own home to the age of 97 with my help - I was happy to do it, and I did it with love, and it was appreciated.  I will see my mother to the end of her life, and that promise will be fulfilled.  I will not make another promise to anyone but myself.  No more duties, no more vows. I will not take up another obligation for the dubious comfort of  love.  I see no evidence of this "comfort" outside of fiction and drama.  None.  Mourning is not love.

I am not afraid of dying alone, or under a stranger's gaze.  I think I understand the impulse for that fear, but the reality is that marriage, family, offspring - these are not guarantees.  How many times have I heard nursing home nurses (my mother included) speak of wives  who essentially say "call me when it's over, otherwise don't call me."  How many times have I seen old men die just months after becoming widowers?  The social narrative would quickly proclaim "See, he needed a wife - he didn't know how to take care of himself".  Bullshit.  He buried his function in his wife's casket.

He buried his identity "husband, provider, protector".  No bridge clubs for him, no "red hats" - he'd long since relinquished the "selfish" past times he once used to commune with friends.  His new friends were other husbands, towed along to visit, he made transient friends quickly or struck up awkward conversations with complete strangers on shopping mall benches, once his knees were too unsteady to carry the things she purchased and for which he paid.  The circumstantial visits suddenly became infrequent. and now faced with the prospect of having to adopt a new identity, once again, he suddenly felt dead tired - maybe he'd seek out a widow at his church, someone who would outlive him, someone to serve once more.  Or maybe it was just time to rest.

I've spoken with and known men and women with no one left to mourn them.  They are not pitiful.  Pity is projected upon them against their will, without their permission, by the arrogance of the living.  That IS sad, but it's sadness for the sake of the living, not the dying, or the dead.

It's difficult to watch people fade and die. It's gut wrenching.  It's exhausting.  It sucks.  Why would I want to put someone (especially someone I care about) through that, for a sense of some airy mythical comfort I have never experienced or observed in life?   I believe in the hereafter - I take comfort in that, not in the prospect of being missed.  I truly believe that the sympathy of the dying for the living is greater.  Only the dead and dying know better.

I want to be the man I am now when I die, only better.  

Hey Joe, where you goin' with that thought in your head?

I recently reached out to a young college student, a young man, who seems to be full of anger and angst.  I stumbled upon a video he posted (one of many) which basically featured him wandering about a campus parking lot ranting/thinking out loud.  Some of his thoughts were - very grim, and he identified himself as- or at least mentioned - MGTOW.  His thoughts and speech were disorganized and it reminded a great deal of some of the men and women in crisis that I worked with as a mental health professional.

Honestly, if ever there was a candidate for someone going off the deep end and going on a killing spree - this kid ( I'm calling him "Joe")  fits the bill.  Of course it's impossible to predict such a thing with any degree of certainty.   I've been in the presence of men and women who were in the midst of full blown psychotic episodes - men and women with murder in their eyes and on their tongues - who genuinely scared the shit out of me, but who had still managed to maintain enough control to refrain from acting out with physical violence.  I hope I have "Joe" pegged all wrong.

Our young man, "Joe", is certainly suffering from some kind of "above average" angst, or perhaps a personality disorder, or perhaps both and more.  I'm not saying that because he threatened to kill me for "tattling" on him by posting a link to an online crisis hotline and asking a fellow MGTOW, a particular individual who I think has a very healthy and positive take on men going their own way, to reach out to "Joe" - which he did, promptly and with great charity, wisdom and sensitivity - far beyond my capabilities, which is why I asked him for his help  (thank you again for your sage advice - I hope "Joe" absorbed some of it).

So this experience brought to mind something that has been a concern of mine for quite some time - actually it's more of a worry, and I think it's a justified worry.  MGTOW is NOT for everyone.  It has been said before, but I'd like to take a stab at it for myself, and perhaps with a more direct and honest approach to this often said, but rarely explained saying.

The fact of the matter is this:  MGTOW has a very great potential to appeal to unhealthy minds.  There I've said it and it needs to be said - in fact it's irresponsible to not to face this fact.  Now, of course, this is all the evidence and spin required to completely demonize MGTOW in a society that drifts further and further from the capacity for critical thought with every reactionary law, pop song, or celebrity tweet.  At the risk of sounding like a beatles album burning fuddy duddy of yore - we have a generation coming up, very soon, that includes a population of people who (and how do I put this lightly) have about as much regard for their fellow human as Ted Bundy.  I would call it thug culture, but really it more closely resembles a frighteningly prophetic, but more psychopathic, version of  the film "Idiocracy" (think Idiocracy with more than a healthy pinch of "A Clockwork Orange".

Some of these unhealthy minds are already taking up the banner of MGTOW, as my friend "Joe" has - dabbling, co-opting those aspects that fit into his very grim world view - disregarding the rest.  That's human nature.  There are a lot of justifiably angry men, who feel alienated in this society - for any of a number of reasons - some of which have absolutely nothing to do with feminism's systematic misandry.  They are disillusioned with their government, their political affiliation, their future, their very identity.  There is an epidemic of lost men and boys in this world.  Some of them call themselves MGTOW, but they are stuck in the anger/disappointment and/or disillusionment stage. Who could blame them when there's so much to be justifiably angry, disappointed and disillusioned about?

Chronic anger and alienation is poison.  It can't be sustained without harming you, and eventually, and inevitably, it will KILL you.  Anger has it's place, so does alienation - they are powerful motivators, but the "doing" part of the motivation will either lead one to do positive things, to make positive changes - or it will lead to negative ones.  The alienation part is simply an inevitable part of regaining consciousness and is required to gain perspective and quiet the mind.  Men also need "A Room of One's Own", and it's high time men build one, complete with a "do not disturb" sign, lock and sound proofing.  Men must avail themselves of it, when they need the space, peace and quiet to actually reflect and make sense of the world and conditions they find themselves in.  A space without talking heads, without competitive agendas - both of which seek to ensare his mind and hijack his perception.  This is not a retreat, a cave to shut oneself away and wait for "this to all blow over";  It is an oracle to commune with one's own mind and purpose, and it IS TO BE GUARDED JEALOUSLY, AND REGARDED SACRED.  It is a place of badly needed replenishment and healing.

 A MGTOW must choose the positive, to heal and replenish, and to evolve or his original impulse to go his own way, is in vain and pointless. He must make the space to do it.  MGTOW creates that space.

Our friend "Joe" is on a path to institutionalism right now.  He sees no hope, refuses to hear "hope" because it doesn't sound like what he imagined, therefore he feels no hope.  MGTOW means solipsism,  "cool" and spiteful alienation to him.  He's not going his own way, he's going the way of millions of incarcerated/institutionalized men in this society.  He's frustrated because his life doesn't measure up to the lies he's been spoon fed since birth - he's at that stage, and he may never transcend to see the possibility of a good life, a happy life, as defined and realized by him, not someone else.  A life fulfilled by self realization and development above and beyond the measuring stick shoved into his face (into all of our faces).   He's been quantifying himself with this stick, since birth.  He's come up short, again and again - obsessed, yet semi-conscious of the futility of it.  Not yet fully conscious of moving on and devising a more accurate and useful system of measurement - his own and not limited by its precurser, or its contemporaries.

I predict in the not-so distant future, that someone like "Joe" will exact his revenge on society with murder, and under the banner of MGTOW. All that is required is one sentence, one comment, one video "liked" and MGTOW becomes a dangerous cult. You know what the propaganda machine will do with that (we've already seen the insinuation with the "gym MRA killer".

MGTOW, on that day, will become a "dangerous" fringe group.  We'll be the new domestic terrorist of the month, but here's the kicker.  It won't matter.  The name will will be hissed with even greater venom and it will fall into disfavor and disuse among us, but men will still be going their own way and therein lies the true power of this idea.  MGTOW is not death, it's not revenge, it's not about alienation or extinction..  It's life and evolution.  And like evolution, MGTOW is inevitable.

We are men - evolving.

"No one cares about MGTOWs.  Or any other men. Men are expendable. Please stop engaging in this girl-like fantasy that you will be missed. You are not going to cause the collapse of civilization. Noone is terrified of you.

The ultimate MGTOWs are the monks and hermits of yore. The MGTOWs who love to talk about MGTOWing remind me of women who attempt suicide for attention. Just do it, and stop blabbing about it."

A response I received for suggesting recently that Men Going Their Own Way, should identifiy themselves as such (when it suits them of course), just to remind people - men in particular - that there is an option for them.  I genuinely understand the angst of the person who wrote this.  I understand the impulsive disgust that men and women experience when a man shirks his utilitarian function, and worse, dares to draw attention to it.  It draws the eye to the embarrassing inner life, the "feelz", of a man - we'll have none of that "man feelz" garbage it reminds us of "women, who attempt suicide for attention.  Just do it, and stop blabbing about it."  


Ah, but here's the difference:  MGTOW is (or should be) about LIFE - a life lived well - not DEATH or depriving the world of oneself, or oneself the world.  It's about living and engaging the world as one sees fit, not as others (like my friend here) would have it.  My friend is correct, "(MGTOWs) won't be missed, but our numbers will ebb and flow in direct response to the conditions men find themselves in this world.. It's only natural.  We are not a protest.  MGTOWs can't change the world, but we can (and do) make our place in the world enjoyable and fulfilling on our own terms.  We are men - evolving.  We are new men, and evolution has no need for nostalgia.