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Friday, November 8, 2013

TRANSCENDING SHAME

So what are the consequences of rejecting your role in society and how do you deal with all of that?

If you don't reproduce, your parents/grandparents/siblings/relatives/co-workers and even your friends likely are, will be, or were disappointed in you.  You won't be fulfilling your role as a legacy perpetuator to your "bloodline", and your friends will likely resent you for not joining them in the same prison.  Misery loves company.  And for those transient and rare examples of happy state sanctioned couplings, they'll be mystified by, or pity, you.

In any case, Shame will seek you out - and here (in my humble opinion) is how to let shame rain down happily upon you without getting a wee bit wet.  But first we need to put Shame into perspective.

Shame serves a purpose.  Shame can be good.  Shame makes civilization possible.  Shame, coupled with Guilt, discourages psycho/sociopathy. Shame has gotten a really bum rap in recent history-so has guilt - but I have to ask you, what would the world look like without Shame, without Guilt?  We're talking about a world without morality, without ethics, without justice - everything goes when you take Shame out of the equation.  Ah, but as much as shame can be a force for good, it can also be used maliciously, with ill intent.  It can be used to exercise unwarranted control for dubious reasons, and what's worse - Shame can be insidious and so pervasive that one hardly notices when it is used for dubious reasons, especially when it is used with malicious intent.  So, like most things, Shame needs to be viewed with a healthy amount of skepticism. 

I'm very tempted to go off the rails here and talk at length about my opinion of the phenomena known as "slut shaming", but I'll think save that for another day, and focus solely on the special kind of Shame that gets directed at the MGTOW - special because it comes at us from many directions, from traditionalists to progressives, the "left", the "right", the wealthy, the poor, the old, the young, the male, the female, the atheist, the theist, the feminist,  and even the occasional MRA.  Some people, many people, are simply offended by the notion that anyone (and I'm including women in this), would opt out of coupling with anyone.  The concept is so alien to their own world view, so disturbing, that it actually upsets them.  But why?  I'm still not sure, to be honest.  It makes me think of that Radiohead video where a man simply lies down on the sidewalk, refuses to get up, https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-_qMagfZtv8  and causes one hell of a stir, for simply lying on the ground and asking to be left alone.  And like in the video, some people will project their own anxieties upon a MGTOW, and some of those people will become very angry as a result, and they will be very inclined to Shame a MGTOW as a result.

I once received an email as result of identifying myself as a MGTOW that went something like this:  "Do us all a favor and drop fucking dead - you're just a pussy, manchild quitter.  You're like a spoiled brat who runs home crying after losing the game" ~ self-proclaimed feminist.    But the truth is, the MGTOW has only seen the "game" for what it truly is, and refuses to participate in it, because, as it turns out, it's no game - it's a caste system.  The irony is that I've encountered no small number of feminists who seethe at the mere notion of men going there own way, and that still astounds me.  Why would a feminist, a person who readily (and justifiably) fights against the pigeon hole of traditional feminine roles in society, be so offended (much less care) if a man rejects his own traditional role in society by dropping out of that role entirely?  That really is all there is to it, but for some reason this gets interpreted as misogyny.  MGTOW has nothing to do with hating women.  I'll say that again MGTOW has NOTHING TO DO WITH HATING WOMEN.  It's not even about rejecting women.  It has everything to do, in fact, with boycotting the same kind of chivalry, and paternalistic head patting that feminists hate.  MGTOWs will (or should) treat women with the kind of gender blindness that feminists champion, and we'll do it, whether women or feminists like it, or not.  Women cannot "have it both ways" with a MGTOW, and why on earth would they want to?  True equality is precisely what a MGTOW wants (or should want).  No, the playing field is not level, in so many ways, for so many.  The MGTOW has made it his life's work to create and inhabit his own field, and he is the author of the rules to his own game.

When a MGTOW arrives at a place where he no longer seeks marriage, or even the companionship of women, he's simply reached a personal epiphany, a realization, that he cannot resolve the paradox of female equality, gynocentrism/female supremacy and female privilege that he observes every where he looks.  He cannot reconcile the three.  He can acknowledge and desire egalitarianism, but he cannot ignore the greater culture that depicts men as bumbling idiots and demonizes him.  He cannot ignore the readily apparent laws, both cultural, institutional and legislative, that benefit women at his exclusion, or blatantly descriminate against him.  And here is where is interest in the mens rights movement often, but not always, comes into play.  Because, afterall, he cannot remove himself entirely from the presence or influence of women, without cutting himself off completely from civilzation.  He might dream of secluding himself in some remote cabin and living apart from society altogether, as a hermit, but that is a monumental undertaking in this century, filled with mind blowing logistical obstacles.  Dropping out entirely (without breaking the law), disengaging, it turns out, takes a massive amount of resources and effort - and this is absolutely by design.

So how does one rise above the unjustified Shame directed at a man going their own way?  He shrugs.  He's beyond feeling any need to justify or validate his existence - it was his thwarted efforts to do so that brought him to his epiphany in the first place.  That is the "game", and the only way to win, is not to play.  It's so simple, obvious and correct, and men are waking up, en masse, more and more, everyday.  A man is enough, singularly.  Enjoy your life, hold what you've got and celebrate it.  Develop it to its greatest potential.  A woman is not required for that; the vast majority will only serve as an obstacle to that end.  Autonomy is nothing to be ashamed of - in fact it's something to take great pride in.  True autonomy is rare and precious.  Anyone who tries to make you think otherwise is selling you dependence and slavery.   No amount of shame can diminish you, when you are enough.

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